(Written on Thursday, June 5th)
BEAST Mode Day 347
This journey is exhausting. There. I said it. I am not
taking it back!
Those of you who follow the journey through Facebook will
know that I have joined Chuze Fitness across the street from my house. I became
a member there to be able to motivate Juanito to get moving, and to also join
other friends who have decided to begin journeys of their own. TZone and my trainers (Joe, Sean, and Trevor) will
always be my home and my family, but I feel that what I have learned there is
needed right now by my friends and family—I am blessed to be able to share the
knowledge!
When I first enrolled at Chuze, the awesome salesperson, Daniel,
told me that I would be entitled to a free personal training session that would
show me how to use the machines and give me a comprehensive breakdown of how to
meet my health and fitness needs. SOLD!
After two months of stalling on this session, I finally gave
in last night and made the appointment to meet with a trainer today. I guess I
should come clean about why I waited so long, right? The truth is that I hate
hearing the truth. I don’t like going to see my doctor because all he does is
impart Truth about my health. Why, then, would I willingly go to see a trainer
who will put my information in a computer just to tell me that I am fat? What
gives them the right? Who made up the program? Will he break it to me softly?
Will I lose my mind when the computer starts putting together a graph of
everything I do incorrectly? Which trainer do I choose? Ugh, so many things to
consider and each time I would approach the front desk, I thought of another
excuse as to why I couldn't attend the session.
Today would be different. I went in with the attitude that I
would not let it defeat me. Then I walked in. Then I heard the word “burrito”
being said and all my caution went out the door. I began imagining the burrito
in front of me…refried beans, rice, chicken, sour cream, guacamole, cheese,
cheese, and more cheese! I metaphorically began spilling the beans…about my
journey. I was telling everyone at the front desk how long it had been since I
had eaten a burrito and why. I spoke about my journey and how many changes I
had made in my life since the inception of it. I think the trainer could tell
that I was trying to avoid going on with our session. He said, “Ok, so I know
you have to go to work, so do you want to get started?”
I wanted to run. When I say this, I am not talking about the
treadmill. I mean that I wanted to run out the door and back into the safety of
my home where the computer doesn’t tell me that I am fat, it only tells me that
I have mail! I sucked it up and followed him into the Ab Room, where the
computers we would use are located.
We sit.
We talk. Actually, I talk. I begin my nervous chatter again about
BEAST Mode and the journey and my trainers at TZone and my friends Maria,
Linda, and Heidi, and food. And then I say, “So, yeah, I have this blog that I
write, and I like to write about things that are significant. So in the
interest of full disclosure, I should let you know that I will more than likely
write about today’s experience.” When I see that I haven’t lost him yet, I add,
“And I will probably need to take a picture with you to put in the blog. I hope
that’s OK with you.” I half-expected him to say no to me and stand up and walk
away—I mean, HE would get up and walk away, not me. He didn’t. He responded by
saying, “Yes, that would be great. We can take a picture when we are all done.”
(I think this is what he said because that’s what I interpreted it as…lol)
We got down to business. He began asking me the requisite
questions: age, how much do I smoke, how much do I drink, health concerns, what
are my priorities with my fitness journey, how often do I eat fast food, how
many meals and snacks I eat a day, etc. I answered each one of the questions as
they came my way. It felt like the survey would never end. As a matter of fact,
I didn't want it to end because I knew the end contained Truth…I didn't think I
wanted to hear it.
So I began my chatter again, only this time it was about the
race I hope to run in Vallarta in the fall. He begins to talk about his
upcoming trip to Costa Rica and family he has in Cancun—there it was! I knew
it. I ask, “Wait, do you speak Spanish?” He answers, “A little bit.” “I knew
it! I knew you were Brown,” I say as I am practically jumping out of my seat
with excitement. He explains that he is Mexican, Italian, and (I think) French
(I forget). Aha—this helps to confirm my belief that this guy is an Abercrombie
and Fitch model on his days off!
“What are you going to do while you are in Costa Rica? Is it
for business or pleasure?” I ask. WHAT BUSINESS IS IT OF MINE? Is what he
should have answered, but instead he says, “I am just going down there to relax
and surf.” My response? Do you really want to know?
“Wow, that’s so cool. Surfing is one of my ‘Bucket List’
items.” Seriously, did that come out of my mouth? Did I all of a sudden become a
character out of an old Beach Boys video and believe myself to be a beach
bunny? Of course surfing is on my ‘Bucket List’ and of course I will one day
fulfill that wish, but the next words that come out of his mouth were not words
I expected. With all the confidence in the world that he could save me if I
were drowning in a raging storm, he says, “I have extra boards whenever you
want to go out and learn.” Crap. As I write this blog, I honestly can’t
remember what my response was. I am sure that in my mind I was already ripping
off my Nike yoga pants to expose the board shorts I was wearing underneath.
Also, I am sure that the stained white t-shirt that I was wearing magically
turned into a Roxy rash guard…I digress.
We arrive to the part of the survey where he needs to enter
my weight, height, and body fat percentage. It asked me where I believed that I
carried most of my weight/fat. There was no option for ALL OVER MY BODY so I
chose the midsection. I freak out when I
see the next screen. It was a 3-D model of what the computer believed my body
to look like. She was a lady who was white from head to toe, small shoulders,
round midsection, and thin(ner) legs. I was waiting for him to look at me and
make adjustments according to what he saw. I seriously panicked for a minute
waiting for that uncomfortable pause in his speech to pass, when I finally
realized that he was waiting for me to respond before he moved to the next
screen. “YES!” I practically screamed, just so I wouldn't allow him time to
realize that the lady on the screen looked nothing like me. We move on.
As we come to the end of the questions and it is about to
spit out my results, he lets me down gently by telling me that I only have to
lose about 72 more pounds in order to reach my goal. It took everything in me
not to choke him out. Does he have any idea what I have given up thus far just
to lose what I have lost? Does he know that instead of counting sheep to fall
asleep, I count curly fries? Does he know that I cry a little every time I pass
by a Tommy’s and don’t order a double cheeseburger with extra onions and chili
cheese fries? Does he sense the panic in my body because meeting the goal the
computer spit out meant that I couldn’t celebrate my BEAST Mode anniversary
with a vodka binge? And lastly, does he know that all I really want to do is
hit the delete button on his keyboard and start all over?
Yes. Yes, he does know this because the look on his face
told me that I am not the first person who has freaked out on him. And instead
of asking me to relax or telling me that hard work will get me where I need to
be, he studies my face, works his magic on the keyboard, and shows me
ATTAINABLE AND REALISTIC goals. It was as though he passed the ‘just kidding’
wand over my eyes and erased all the self-doubting and self-loathing thoughts
out of my mind, and with them went my excuses (a million of them) as to why my
journey would need to come to an end.
The final page of my results revealed the most significant
thing I learned today, and the scariest. The results are compiled and it gives
you three ages; the first age is your actual age, the second age is the age
that your body thinks it is based on lifestyle choices and family medical
history, and the third age is what your body will think it is when the
prescribed goals are met. My actual age is 42.5 years. My body thinks it is 44.
WHEN I meet my goals, my body will think that it is 37.
I gasped when those results flashed across the screen. At
first I was elated because my body only thinks it is a year and a half older
than it actually is—score! Then I was doubly elated to see that if I met my
goals, I would be back in my thirties without even needing to click my red heels
together. SCORE X 2!
My results were immediately e-mailed to me (I can post them
at a later date if you all want to see them) and my session was over. As I got
up to get ready to leave, the trainer reminds me that I can always go to him
with any questions that I may have about the machines and about the free-weight
area that I was inquiring about. I smiled and thanked him for his time and he
reminded me that we still needed to go to the front to take our picture. Ha! I
had let it slip my mind because I was so busy thinking about getting on that
surfboard!
By now (if you’re still reading this) you are probably
asking why I dedicated a whole blog post to finding out that my body thinks it
is 44 years old. That’s not why I wrote this. OK, so maybe you are thinking
that this is an advertisement or endorsement for Chuze Fitness. That’s also not
why I wrote this—they will do just fine with or without this blog post. You
want to try to guess again? No? You hate guessing? Yeah, me, too.
The reason why I wrote this blog is because I was afraid.
After a year of working my ass off in the gym, eating as cleanly as I can, and
spreading the importance of beginning your own journey, one would think that
situations like this would be something I would easily get through. Do you
remember my last blog post when I stated that your journey will be filled with
curves and hills and valleys and dark tunnels? Well, I anticipated this experience
to be a dark tunnel and I am afraid of the dark!
It didn't de-rail me…IT HELPED ME TO KEEP MY TRAIN ON THE
TRACK.
It didn't knock me off of my journey…IT OPENED MY EYES TO
THE IMPORTANCE OF MY JOURNEY.
It didn't blind me from the fact that I have come a long,
long way to get where I am…IT TOOK AWAY THE FOCUS OF HOW MUCH FURTHER I HAVE TO
GO.
It didn't break me…IT LIFTED ME UP AND MADE ME STRONGER.
It didn't define me…I DEFINE ME.
It didn't make me feel like a loser…I CHOOSE TO BE A
CHAMPION.
Lastly, it helped me to remember that many different people
positively contribute to my journey. The results of my survey, whether positive
or negative, would not have the power to change my course—nor would the person
delivering the news to me. However, something tells me that if he would have
asked me to a coffee and donuts session, I would have offered to brew the coffee
myself! I am thankful that Creator put Anthony in my path, though he may have
thought me to be a neurotic old lady!
Go forth, my friends, and don’t be afraid to read your
Truths splashed across a computer screen. Embrace every experience on your
journey as a learning experience. Mindset…make sure you set the dial to “growth”
and keep it away from the “self-sabotage” setting. I believe in YOU. I believe in
the success of YOUR journey.
Life is good.
Anthony and myself after my Truth session.
